When I wrote blogs like Go In Peace (To Canada?!) To Love and Serve the Lord, I was trying, even in the writing process, to convince myself that it was real. That the move was really happening and there was really peace in it.
Here’s the thing: I couldn’t convince myself.
As moving date began to approach, I began to feel increasingly, physically sick with anxiety at the very thought of such a big, international move away from all of my family, friends, and professional network. With 6 weeks to go, I began to admit that I didn’t want to move to Canada for a growing number of reasons, and trusted advisors began to say: “you don’t have to, you know.” And they were right.
I don’t have to do something that makes me persistently, excessively uncomfortable. None of us do. In fact, I think we shouldn’t. Not even if we’ve paid a deposit or posted a Facebook status about it or had a goodbye party. Over the course of applying and planning and preparing, we can change and grow and realize things about ourselves. It’s like the saying goes: “life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.”
So, after a lot of prayerful consideration, I officially deferred matriculation to Regent College.
Let me be clear that, in the midst of this change, a few facts remain: 1) Regent is wonderful. I have no problem with the institution. 2) Vancouver is beautiful. I have no doubt about that. 3) Seminary is in my future. I have clear goals to someday — not too long from now, God willing — engage in a season of dedicated theological study.
And I think the Lord is calling me to stay put for a little while. That sounds like a terribly un-catchy blog title. That statement pales in comparison to today’s worship anthems that say “Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders…” and repeat emphatically “I will go, I will go.”
Going is a good thing; don’t get me wrong. But I’m learning that being sent by the Lord definitely does not necessarily mean being sent far away. I’m learning that, on the contrary, there can be wisdom in stability. (More to come on that topic.)
So this is not a travel blog. Not now anyway.
This is not a blog about seeing new sights, encountering God in surprising, exciting places. Maybe it’s a blog about seeing new insights, encountering God in the most surprising place of all — the here and now. Maybe it’s a blog about the joys and challenges of persisting in praying and praising, writing and reading, resting and working, loving God and neighbor right where I am. I’m genuinely excited about that prospect and hope you’ll continue to join me!